The truth

I think deep inside i still really want the past to be back terribly and miserably
I dreamed again

Out of the blue , "Hey ! How are you doing ? :d" on MSN
I replied with a "hi."
Then i saw you typing a message ...
Then Last Message Received at 06.38 pm

I know u canceled away what u wanted to type
Hesitating ?
And i saw u typing and Last Message Received , repeatedly for many times
In the end , nothing was said
And all ended with my "hi."
When hi should be used as a beginning

It's so ironical , don't you think so ?
I find it amusing .. seriously
Preposterous would be a good word

I saw the sms-es again
We were like back to the happy-happy type again
Then suddenly all ended
No more sms-es
It didn't continued , ended on this date
23-7-09

I can see it's not long ago
But i have the feeling that this is the end again
It will end here again , once again , once more and no more
Because it will end totally , no more that is

Sometimes , pride is really nothing compared to a relationship
I really don't regard pride as something meaningful
But , i think principles is more important though
My principles , i could never say them all out
They are rules , set by myself , used to discipline myself

But when someone just play around with my principles , my rules , my discipline
I really would just snap
'forbidden words' , 'restricted territory'
they are the right words to use

yeah , i let you in my world
and you exit it by yourself , without saying a word or goodbye again
i hate this way of ending
but if that's what u want
so be it

i can't control you anymore
i'm not the 'brother' again
and all along , it's not me controlling you
i'm a puppet , your the puppeteer
you are just manipulating me and making me dancing to your will
bending my wills

that's all , it's been like this all along
it had never changed and it never will
any one's actions won't be so severe as to bending my principles
but yours , is
bending my principles is the ultimate , above insult and humiliation
it's worst than that when someone bends my principle

i really ... am dumbfounded
words that you don't even mean it , promises that you don't even intend to fulfill
how many times must you stood me up , manipulate , control , take advantage
before you are really satisfied ?
i may still like you , but not to the past extent of madness
but really .... if you still continue this way ... i really hate to wonder what you will turn into in the future